I can empower myself too.

You create your own universe as you go along.
— Winston Churchill

A few nights ago I decided it would be a great idea to teach myself how to install Marley Twists. I love the style, but just couldn't afford to pay someone to do it for me. So, I watched a few Youtube videos and took a stab at it. 

They did not come out perfect, at all, but the experience itself was theraputic for me. I sat in front of my long mirror with my lamp shining over my hair, and twisted. I played music, I got lost in my thoughts, and I watched my reflection intently for hours. For a couple of weeks previous to this I had hidden my mirror away because I didn't want to look at myself. So this, for me, was a mental break through. 

Make it look easy. That's literally what I tell myself whenever I'm going through something tough.

From the time the new year was approaching to now, I've become deeply introspective. Meditating honestly and fully on what I'm experiencing, how it's making me feel, and what I need to take away from it all. 

I've realized that it is much easier to give into fear, doubt, and worry. It's easier to let sadness consume you and dictate how you see everything else in your life. The truth is I've been there, and felt that. I'm tired now. 

I'm understanding now that masking what I'm feeling, and temporarliy pacifying what I'm going through rather than dealing with my issues only hurt me more. It only makes me take longer to heal, which should be the goal everytime. I'm choosing to heal now rather than pacify. It's challenging, but it's worth fighting and pushing through.

I've choosen to channel what I'm feeling through my work, and to use it to help myself overcome the things I have been facing. So far I have to say it's been the best decision I've ever made. I'm understanding that it's ok to expend energy to take care of myself, like I would for someone else.  Maybe that seems obvious to most people, but it's been a struggle for me to grasp.

I created Dangerous Woman to encourage and empower young women, but I'm finding that I myself could use some empowering. I can empower myself too. I can encourage myself too, and I feel stronger knowing that.